{"product_id":"vlad-tepes-metal-bottle-opener","title":"VLAD TEPES Metal Bottle Opener","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"131\" data-end=\"228\"\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"177\" data-end=\"228\"\u003e“Crack It Open Like a Skull in Wallachia” Edition\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"230\" data-end=\"482\"\u003eHistory remembers him as a prince, a warlord, a national hero, or a sadistic monster — depending on which side of the stake you were on. But here at\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"379\" data-end=\"395\"\u003eHate Couture\u003c\/strong\u003e, we remember\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"409\" data-end=\"423\"\u003eVlad Țepeș\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003efor one thing: his commitment to getting the point across.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"484\" data-end=\"684\"\u003eNow you can channel the same unapologetic energy every time you pop open a cold one with the\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"577\" data-end=\"605\"\u003eVlad Țepeș Bottle Opener\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e— a tribute to impalement culture, medieval spite, and weaponized hospitality.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"686\" data-end=\"1014\"\u003eForged from solid metal and shaped with the same precision Vlad applied to his enemies, this is not your basic bar tool. No plastic. No ergonomic grip. No cute nonsense. Just a heavy, brutal piece of hardware designed to remove bottle caps with the same kind of finality with which Vlad removed noble heads from noble shoulders.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1016\" data-end=\"1309\"\u003eNeed to unwind after another day in the empire of mediocrity? Use this twisted little relic to\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1111\" data-end=\"1134\"\u003euncork your despair\u003c\/strong\u003e. Whether it’s beer, mead, or the last surviving bottle of dignity in a collapsing world, this opener treats every cap like an Ottoman emissary who forgot to take his hat off.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1311\" data-end=\"1495\"\u003eCynical? Always. Practical? Absolutely. It’s weighted perfectly — not just for leverage, but for the kind of slow, deliberate gesture that says,\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"1456\" data-end=\"1495\"\u003e“I came here to drink and desecrate.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1497\" data-end=\"1518\"\u003eA few suggested uses:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1519\" data-end=\"1937\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1519\" data-end=\"1647\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1521\" data-end=\"1647\"\u003eCrack a bottle open while reading about how Vlad impaled 20,000 people and left them to rot in the sun as a message. Cheers.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1648\" data-end=\"1741\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1650\" data-end=\"1741\"\u003eUse it as a conversation starter at dinner parties you don’t want to be invited to again.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1742\" data-end=\"1815\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1744\" data-end=\"1815\"\u003eKeep it on hand for fending off joy, hope, or unsolicited small talk.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1816\" data-end=\"1937\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1818\" data-end=\"1937\"\u003eLeave it on your counter as a warning:\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"1857\" data-end=\"1901\"\u003eThis house doesn’t do “live, laugh, love.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eIt does\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cem data-start=\"1910\" data-end=\"1937\"\u003e“drink, sharpen, repeat.”\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1939\" data-end=\"2041\"\u003ePair it with a bottle of something bitter and a dead-eyed stare.\u003cbr data-start=\"2003\" data-end=\"2006\"\u003eNo batteries. No filters. No mercy\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"K","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":50806988079337,"sku":null,"price":149.0,"currency_code":"NOK","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1237\/1276\/files\/Vlad-Bottle-Opener-Shop-Ready-scaled.jpg?v=1775662772","url":"https:\/\/katakomben.no\/products\/vlad-tepes-metal-bottle-opener","provider":"Katakomben","version":"1.0","type":"link"}